If someone asked me to define motherhood I don't think I could. For one there are far too many words to describe it, (wonderful, tiring, scary, exhilarating, fun, manic...I could go on and on) and until you become a member of the "mummy club" no one can ever tell you what it's like. I didn't have a clue what was in store, I read all the books, went to all my antenatal classes, joined websites but none of that could have prepared me for the bolt of lightning that hit me on 13th March 2012 at precisely 11.29pm
At 8 days overdue, I was a very cranky, impatient mum-to-be. I wanted my baby and I wanted it NOW! We hadn't found out the sex of our baby which to me made it all the more exciting. I was convinced I was having a boy. D day finally arrived and with a mixture of terror and excitement we headed to the hospital. I won't add the gory details but when my lovely little GIRL arrived all 10 fingers, 10 toes, a little nose and gorgeous eyes nothing would be the same ever again. My mum was at Ava's birth and I remember her saying "How do you feel?" "Bewildered" I said, I was so sure she would be a boy but what a wonderful surprise. And also bewildered and the sheer life change that had just happened there and then.
Over the next few days the realisation that I was a mother hit me, I cried for about a week,"what if I was a bad mum?" "What if she hates me?" "I'll never be able to go out ever again or have a date night with Nath" sob, sob, sniff, sniff. When I look at my beautiful girl now all of that seems like a different life! I remember the first time I took her out, she was 2 weeks old, we were in boots and she'd spat her dummy out and I didn't have a spare, she screamed the whole way around the shop, I couldn't get out of there fast enough! And I was paranoid about colic, I even bought medication for it just in case! Luckily we never had to use it.
The early days were scary but in a way it makes me sad that I'll never be a new mum again. The one thing that no one could have prepared me for is the absolute unconditional love. I know myself that there is no one like your mum. From the very moment she was born the love and pride is indescribable. Every time she smiles I think my heart will burst. She has bought us so much joy, I don't ever think she will know how much I love her.