Tuesday, 12 February 2013

All of our yesterdays

I know that I have posted about this before but I still can't get over that in 4 weeks my girl will be one. A whole year.

When I was pregnant I was told that time will go so fast, that they grow up so quickly. But I didn't listen. And now we're edging towards her first birthday and I cannot believe that my baby is almost gone. It sounds so daft doesn't it. Of course she hasn't gone, she's still here. But she isn't a baby anymore.



I feel like time has slipped through my hands like sand and the next thing I know I'll turn around and she'll be grown up and she won't need me any more. I'm excited to watch her grow, she's turning into a happy, cheeky, loving little girl that even if I'd ordered her specially she couldn't have been more perfect. But I just want to keep her little for a while. I don't want her to grow out of her chubby little feet & hands, the way she still lets me rock her to sleep and sing her lullabies, the way she climbs on to my knee when shes tired. And I wish I could bottle her chuckle, it's the best sound. I feel so stupidly sad that all of these things have now gone, the first time smiled, the first time she laughed, the first time she waved, the first time she crawled. But there will be more firsts. Many more.



I was so nervous when she was first born, I used to think I'd be a useless mum who wouldn't have a clue what she was doing. But I don't think that I've done too badly. It's so odd to think that it's all in the past now. I'm never going to be a first time mum again. So exciting and terrifying. All those different emotions. The first few weeks are a blur.



I worry about her constantly and I think that the main worry is that while she is still so little I can look after her, I can protect her. But when she's older she will make her own choices. I just hope that they're the right ones.


I wonder what she'll be like when she's older. I hope that she'll be kind and generous. I hope that she has a family of her own one day and has a good job. I hope that she gets to see a bit of the world and that we have a close relationship. But most of all I hope that she's happy.



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