Sunday, 10 March 2013

One for my Mother

It's Mother's Day in the UK today. So I saw it only right to dedicate a post to my beautiful mum.

To be honest I was a bit dissapointed with myself today when I handed my mum's card to her. All I'd written was "Hope you have a lovely day", I thought "you can do better than that!" So I'll try.

Dear mum,

I know I'm a bit rubbish when it comes to showing emotion but I just wanted to let you know how much you mean to me (even though I'm useless at telling you).

One of my earliest memories is you, Lloyd and me in our old kitchen in Hampton Road, cooking. (Tomato twists to be precise). It is one of my favourite memories. Lloyd with his little bowl cut and you with your ponytail in a scrunchie (very 90's) showing me how to twist the dough. I've always looked back on that memory with a smile thinking I would like to do the same with my children.

Then when we moved to France even though you worked so hard and we didn't have much you always made sure that the boys and I never went without. Those were the best times. I know it was a big decision for you to move away from your friends and family, but I am so glad and thankful that you did. We got to experience so many new things (mainly sunshine) and learn a new language. Those were some of the best times of my life. They really were.

Thank you for listening to all of the stories that I used to write. For laughing in all the right places and supporting me. Thank you for always being there to give me advice or just to listen.

Oh and thanks for not freaking out when I when through my goth phase, dyed my hair black and got 11 piercings. You just let me get on with it and almost embraced it, coming to Camden with me for a day out. (Even letting me buy those ridiculous steel toe-capped boots)!

I'm sorry that I left you when I was 16 to live with my dad. It wasn't anything that you had done. Now when I look back I sometimes wish that I had never left you, I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I'd stayed. What would we be doing now. Since having Ava I sometimes think back to that time and I remember the card that you wrote for me. I remember how you cried and I understand now how you felt. And I'm so sorry.

  Thank you for being so supportive when I told you I was pregnant. I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. Me telling you to go into the garage so no one could hear you. Poor woman. I couldn't have asked for a better reaction from you. You were so happy and excited.

It turns out that my pregnancy was the best thing that could have happened for all of us. In November 2011 the worst thing imaginable for a mother happened. That day will be forever etched in my memory. No one should lose a child. Why you, I ask myself sometimes. You are so lovely and kind. You didn't deserve this. You were so strong mum. You are amazing. You always seem to comfort me. I can't begin to tell you how much I admire you. I know I'm useless with advice but I'm always here if you need to talk about Lloyd.

Thank you for being there when Ava was born. Nathan was brilliant but I'm glad my mum was there.  Thank you for letting me ring you at ridiculous hours and always giving me advice.

I'm so glad that I have a mum like you. You are the mother that I hope and aspire to be. I hope that I will be able to give Ava all of the things that you have given me. I couldn't ask for a better mum or a better friend.

Thank you for all the memories mum. Here's to many more.

I love you.

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